Recycled Storylines & Tacked On Happy Endings

"Arete" n. That To Which All People Aspire
See Also: Strength In The Face Of Adversity

I honestly don’t think I will be able to get anything done until I get these thoughts out of my head and onto a piece of paper somehow. They’re banging against the walls of my mind. Constantly, constantly. Never allowing me a moment’s peace, refusing to even in the slightest be pushed aside. The bigger problem — the inconceivable gap between what I want to say, what I need to say, and what I seem to be able to articulate. 

As a matter of fact, I do. I abhor the festering feeling you get in your stomach when the thoughts cross your mind, things that you forcibly, repeatedly push away as if your life depended on it. But it has gotten to a point where, this, it has seeped into the recesses of my mind that any attempts at thought are of no use.  It has grown unforgiving. Whispering, like the winds of a storm, soft but deafening. They have grown unforgiving, these thoughts.   I am only trying to do what I think is right.

As a matter of fact, I do.

I abhor the festering feeling you get in your stomach when the thoughts cross your mind, things that you forcibly, repeatedly push away as if your life depended on it. But it has gotten to a point where, this, it has seeped into the recesses of my mind that any attempts at thought are of no use. 

It has grown unforgiving. Whispering, like the winds of a storm, soft but deafening.

They have grown unforgiving, these thoughts.  

I am only trying to do what I think is right.

(Source: icanread)

In my mind I am eloquent; I can climb intricate scaffolds of words to reach the highest cathedral ceilings and paint my thoughts. But when I open my mouth, everything collapses.

—Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion

(Source: famouslast, via breakoutofthemadness)

If only you knew how much I mean the things I say I don’t.

Anonymous asked: Nadine de Asis

Again, I find myself in this position. In dire need to catch up on things to do for school (a.k.a. study for my Socio & Anthro midterms at 7:30 am tomorrow), but instead dawdling around like it’s no one’s business. 

So I came across this, a name that somehow got buried underneath the clutter of my ask box. And I swear that after this, I will get to the things that I have to do. But this is just as important (to me, at least), remembering is important.

Picture this: A bunch of 4th graders, around 9 or 10 years old. Skipping about, celebrating a birthday. There are little amusement park rides which, of course, you ride in two’s. Of the bunch, two girls in particular, the most odd of pairs. One is skinny, quiet, the type it’d take great difficulty to get a word out of. The other is rather round, loud, the type you’d have great difficulty ever getting to shut up. The first is her, the latter I. 

I went up to that skinny little girl, introduced myself, and she hasn’t been able to shake me off since. 

Picture the last 9 years or so, that’s nearing a decade, practically half of what has been my life. Can you imagine all the things that have happened in that span of time? Picture the next god-knows-how-many years. Imagine what can, what will happen. 

And this: Her? A constant. 

I’m not going to ask you to stop whatever you’re doing and reblog this. But it would mean a lot if you did. This says so much…

This is from one of VG’s (Norwegian newspaper) TV commercials. It’s one of the most powerful commercials I have ever seen.

THIS. Relevant in ways I can’t even begin to explain.

(Source: awayfromearth, via stpatience)

You know how kids always have the biggest dreams? They want to be doctors and lawyers, rock stars and astronauts. Well, that was never me. I was always the one who never really knew what she wanted. The one that was always too afraid to dream too big.  You know how so many people lose their way? I did for a while there, but I think I can say (still with much self-doubt but hopefully much more steadfastness), that I’ve found mine.  So now I am scared, afraid, frightened, terrified. By my dreams, by my realities. By the risks, the possibilities, of failure, of success. There’s so much on my mind, always. Always. Too much to talk about, never enough time. But for now, I will do rather than say. 

You know how kids always have the biggest dreams? They want to be doctors and lawyers, rock stars and astronauts. Well, that was never me. I was always the one who never really knew what she wanted. The one that was always too afraid to dream too big. 

You know how so many people lose their way? I did for a while there, but I think I can say (still with much self-doubt but hopefully much more steadfastness), that I’ve found mine. 

So now I am scared, afraid, frightened, terrified. By my dreams, by my realities. By the risks, the possibilities, of failure, of success.

There’s so much on my mind, always. Always.

Too much to talk about, never enough time.

But for now,

I will do

rather than say. 

(via breakoutofthemadness)

What I spent my blood, sweat and practically every waking minute on for the past few months — The A-Fair 2012. Given, it was far from perfect. There were kinks here and there, and well, everywhere. But you know what, I’m proud of what we came up with. And even more than that, I’m proud of the people who came together to make it happen.

I’ve always been a sucker for attachment. Which is probably why I will miss the A-Fair Task Force 2012 to little bits and pieces. 

Director & PM: Tony Battung

Videographer & Editor: Jeff Tan

Dreamt big. Flew high. Cheers to that.

Tips on Self-Preservation

gazzera:

1. Tell yourself, everyday, not to fall in love.

or

a. Fall in love with things that won’t break you

or

b. Fall in love in muted shades of grey, in whitewashed hues that neither mimic nor ape nor counterfeit whatever true love is purported to be, but keep it at a distance and blur it from your vision, lest it cloud your senses, shadow your every thought.

or

c. Fall in love and survive it. Like nuclear fallout.

2. Optimize heartbreak. Reach a steady state. Heartbreak can be a factor input like any other in the production of your ultimate life goals. Use it. Have your broken enough times to know how strong it is. Stop before your heart runs out of all the love it has to offer. Resources are scarce.

3. Survive nuclear fallout. This is easier than it sounds, but harder than it looks. First, is the bomb. The prerequisite blast. Live through this and you will look back. Live through this and look at your life like an atom crumpling in on itself, a microcosm of netherworld existence simply unfurling and un-becoming itself. The fallout happens underneath your fingernails, underneath the first layer of person you shed every month. It grows in stem cells, like chronic unhappiness, like terminal dissatisfaction. The bomb is the person. The blast is for when you fall. The fallout is the fallout, because this is a metaphor that explains itself.

Therefore,

a. Don’t believe in metaphors. Only real things — like bones and bodies and how they fit with each other — can save you.

And so,

b. Let yourself be saved.

or

c. Lose yourself.

Then

d. Find yourself, all over again.