Recycled Storylines & Tacked On Happy Endings

The Portrait

lightingstrike:

I would like to close my eyes
if only to hold   the thought of you
closer
                     to the point of breaking
through the bounds of an image.

I hold empty spaces
in my palms, saying, look,    here
is where you are, this

is what I know of you now.
I would like to close my eyes,
                                     breaking.

Your image     becomes
       a space,
            a heavy miasma to mark
a closing.

I close my eyes,
                     knowing the rupture
              of seams, the loudness

of without.

(via breakoutofthemadness)

Sometimes I forget, and sometimes I am reminded. 

More often than I should, I forget. But in moments like these, I am reminded.

I am lucky. I am blessed. I have much to be thankful for. 

Tony Battung is my blockmate. 

The very first time I saw her, her hair was short. A lot shorter at the back and a bit longer in front. I have always had a fixation (and a frustration that I can’t pull it off) on short hair and because of that, I absentmindedly reached for her hair and in that ditz accent of mine said, “I like your hairrrr” compeltely forgetting the fact that we were strangers. 

Tony Battung is my college buddy. 

It wasn’t then that we hit it off. That was just my first memory of her. It was when we realized our entire first sem schedule was exactly alike that we figured, hey you could be my college buddy. And it started there. Also, and I need to emphasize this: there is nothing like having Pulan in the morning to bring two broken souls together. 

Tony Battung is my friend. 

One day, after Math class (We were separated from the rest of our block. We started off in regular Math and got demoted. She, by only a couple of frustrating points - me by a landslide.), we decided we were rich and had breakfast in Pancake House. It was the first time we’d ever hung out just the two of us, but like any relationship/gay, clingy friendship in the makings, it worked. I don’t remember it being awkward, and there was never a need to fill the silence, because as you might have already observed, the two of us can go on talking all day as if we don’t spend every waking moment together (in school) - and consider that tripled when we don’t spend every waking moment together. 

Tony Battung is my confidant. 

After PE one time, she rode home with me to take a shower at my place (I don’t know how we thought we could pull that off - we were late for Chem, then again, we were always late for Chem). She told me a secret. It was the first time I really got to know her. In return, after our first blueREP GA together (when we were still both blueREPPERS), I told her a secret. And she became my confidant. 

Tony Battung is my person. 

Shit went down, like it always does. And she was there for me, and she was there for me and she was there for me. Shit went down, for sure. But shit was doable, because I knew that at the end of the day, we had each other. And I had her.

Tony Battung is my mirror.

One day, after a shit day in school, we decided to stay in and watch Brokeback Mountain. For some insane reason, we looked at each other, raised an arm (my right, her left), perfectly mirroring each other’s movements, said the same thing and started laughing. It was an odd day. But when else does that happen, really? 

Tony Battung is my best friend.

I will skimp on the details, but in college (or.. in life), you find that there is going to be that one person you feel like you knew a lifetime ago, in another universe, in the many worlds and multiverses that have brought you two together - and just as the universe did then, the universe was at it again and you met her (or him). Point blank, Tony Battung is best friend. My sister. My soulmate. My mirror. In this universe. A lifetime ago. And in the many multiverses that have been kind enough to the both of us. 

The world is unkind. And it takes and it takes and it will always keep taking. But once in a while it will give you something. Something that will make up for everything else it has taken away. 

The world gave me Tony Battung, and that makes up for everything else it has taken away. 

—Lara Antonio

And for all that has been taken away from me, I will always have you. 

My best friend, my sister, my soulmate, my mirror.

(I know this makes me the biggest cheeseball alive, but… This. Waterfalls. Geez.)

Lara Antonio, you are the most beautiful, most eloquent person I know and could have ever imagined this damned multiverse would send my way.